To smile or not to smile..

Okay so, I was taking a stroll down a bucolic path with somewhat modish clothes, well at least something which was alienating me from the clique. So yeah, there I was minding my own business and a young girl of about , umm let’s say seven or eight , as cute as a button, walking bare foot and hair disheveled nudged me seeking attention. She probably wanted to sell me something, as I turned towards her I see her clutching those fancy pink pens with bobbly funko pop heads with a bouquet of red roses.

                               She had a grimace on her face as the pebbles on the road were being extremely rude to her. Her eyes so full of desperation which were waiting for me to nod my head and buy one of those merchandises. Her tattered clothes said more than just poverty, it showed her struggles and her compulsive need to do something for herself than others.To sum it all, it felt like her appearance contradicted exactly who she was. She persuaded me in a convincing tone . Before I could start any conversation with her, my friend chased her away and pulled me close. Rude? yeah I thought so too.

                               Days passed and one day I was eagerly waiting to board a bus so late at night and debilitated to my bones. I turn my head slightly to spot a familiar face. Yes there she was an adorable smol bean but trying to sell barbie stickers, this time,to piqued customers. She clutched a couple of ten rupee notes as though she was afraid to lose them when a customer made a prolific buy of two whole sticker packs. As she made her gesture to pay his change  she lost a note which flew right into the middle of the road. The look on her face was so contrite everyone felt sorry for her as she fled right in front of a bike to save her note. As I saw through the bus window, a really old man incapacitated to walk, struggling through the roads ,seemed like he barely ate anything for months, gleamed at that note. He watched her earnestly, but truly wished he could get that note so he didn’t have to sleep hungry again.

                                   The girl stood still staring at him, trying to be happy about her little lucrative adventure. As I fought my way to gain a look I was flummoxed as she walked right up to him and gave him the note, smiling. That was it, I had to talk to her I waited for days. Finally, the day came when the tiny sales girl with a golden heart made her third appearance. I could never forget her face but she obviously didn’t remember me because she nudged me just like she did , but before she could ask me I bought her pens trying to make her stay. She said ,”Thank you didi”. You can imagine how surprised I was when I heard her talk in English. I asked her if she went to school, she said she didn’t but she aspired to go someday. I loved her confidence as she said she learnt to speak talking to people.

                                     As daring as she was, I asked her how she ventures every day she pointed at a dilapidated green shack. It was her father who polished shoes. Then she pointed at her mother selling balloons on the other end of the road. She smiled and said,” I have them, I need no protection”. As she continued, “I will become a big person and then I will take care of them”. That made my day. A seven year old taught me so diligently that happiness sees no bounds.  She waved at me with such zeal and huge smile on her face as she made her way back.

                                       We all are inundated with dreams. Most of us lose after coming so close to our dreams. It is not easy to maintain a straight face after watching your dreams shatter right in front of you especially when you have busted a gut for years. But the only thing that can get you through it is to have a smile on your face. Hard work always pays even if it takes time. In fact if you are losing, know this, you are on the right path you just need a bigger audience to celebrate your success with you. Just keep dreaming if she can, we all can 🙂

                                  

Broken Hearts…

A constant conflict you feel inside. Never knowing is it the heart or your mind. A surge of turbulence and waves of panicky but you still wanna do the right thing. You let go of the things you love ,the things you craved for ,the things once you thought you could never let go. Forget irony now that’s hilarious!. But is that what you want? pretending to be happy with a tinge of satisfaction that you are on the right track…or maybe that you are on the right track. We all are just bogus dummies trying to convince ourselves that our choices might be the right preference. The truth? It petrifies you. You want to listen to what you want to listen .You want to see what you want to see. You want to feel what you want to feel.

Social paradigm dictates “logicality” as the most sought out solution. But you don’t wanna be logical and you definitely don’t wanna be a grub of social convention because you are getting too old for this crud. Disappointment! and now you get the frowny face. Maybe this isn’t about you or your preferences maybe it is about the mere acceptance. You cannot welcome the ‘truth’ fairy without the relentless badgering at her feet hoping she would go away.

What could be the possibly worst culmination of listening to your heart?. We all make sacrifices, we all have our fair share of pain. Going through the most resilient decisions ever made. Letting go of someone whom you love, choosing a career path you want far from the social convention. Never a plain sailing. You gotta fight if you choose to be happy. You might not be sure if this is it, if this is destiny because usually the path which seems less exasperating seems more life supporting.

Choose what you love the most rather than the one you are made to take. Go against the world and make everyday of your life count because the world knows nothing but to run behind the one who is trying to change it. Let me quote and unquote Mr.Steve Jobs “If today were the last day of your life would you want to do what you are about to do today?”. Toss a coin. Take the risk. Face the reality. Accept it. Listen to yourself maybe you could finally be happy for what it’s worth.

 

The One with “you”:)

You rise every morning,

Gaping at the sun felt grass and morning dew .

Instead of blithe echo , you sit back and preview.

Unfathomable rumination of the clan who bid adieu.

Memories sweeter than honey-dew.

Because there were times,

when you had your mates and you had your crew.

But now all you got is you.

Six years later , you have your life all brand new.

But no shoulder to cry on

or an ally to split your pudding in two.

You feel a little low, you feel a little blue.

That’s when your phone tings,

A text message says,”meeting at noon?”,

You cross your fingers ,hoping it to be true.

A door bell rings as you out-flew.

And there they were, the awesome twenty-two!

Standing still with tears in your eyes,

gazing at the ones with whom you grew.

Back in action , you could not ask for more

Because you had yourself and you had them too.

I Don’t Know…

For all the grappling,confused teens out there ,welcome to the most addled and “I don’t know”, episode your life. Coping with the raging hormones and emotional waves is definitely not everybody’s cup of tea and you juvenile delinquents are a diurnal virtuoso. As sarcastic it may sound it definitely isn’t easy with growing competition and a plethora of talented people and you feeling .. umm… let’s say “not so good”.

There are about hundreds ,veritably thousands, who know exactly what they want to do, who have dreams and they are pretty good at it. And then are the other millions who still try to figure out where is their life headed. Feeling despondent and woebegone if you fail in your endeavours is habitual because there are many who are a sell-out in their sixteens or seventeens while most of us are making an effort in different domains just to see if that is what we want or if we are good at it.

First and the most salient point to remember is to stop comparing yourself with the buoyant. Just because. The reason for the perplexity could be the fear of not doing what you like hence most of us are still in the puddle. Some say the drought of a fear factor could be the reason for us falling through. So true. Sometimes the unavailability of the phobia to savor the sweet taste of success leads to dereliction.

A very winsome recital would be appropriate. A toddler fox ,who knew no fear, always ran towards danger. Once he was given an earful by his mother about the dangers that crept through jungle but nothing made the little tot scared. The tales about his mates giving into fear made him want to shudder so he decided to take upon his own little venture in the search of fear .As he made through the roadways of the jungle he came across a group of bandits. Instead of running away he walked towards the guild and asked to scare him ,after a series of disappointing attempts the bandits gave in. As he made his way, an old wolf told him if he could spend three nights in a row in a haunted house he would be treated with a box of gold . So the intrepid solo spent the first night among the eerie and blood-chilling howling and shrieks as he lit a fire to spend the night .As the second night followed, he noticed a half body fall through the chimney the fox demanded for the other half to fall through . On the last day, the fox saw six men carrying a coffin .He saw a dilapidated body rising from the coffin which threatened to strangle him. The distraught but unafraid fox angry at his rudeness closed the coffin on top .Winning the gold he still complained not being able to shudder. His mother tired of his constant wailing threw a bucket of freezing water at him while he was asleep. He had finally shuddered, but he never knew what true fear was!

It is not necessary that we follow the suit and do something that others do just so we don’t fall back .Success takes its own time. We all have to be patient and believe in ourselves .To quote the beloved paraplegic theoretical physicist , Stephen Hawking,”However difficult life may seem, there is always something you can do, and succeed at. It matters that you just don’t give up”.

I Give Up?

Here’s the most clichéd lesson of our lives “Failure is the stepping stone to success” . Well if this was true why do we shudder at the first sight of incompetence?. What is failure actually? .To quote a chinese proverb “Failure is not falling down but refusing to get up”. We ,who masquerade as an invincible showman,are dead ducks when we fall through. We all lack acceptance.Mere acceptance!

Everyone would’ve experienced a black out or a feeling where remorse fills your heart and wanting to cry your eye balls out but how many of us have the audacity to stand up,gaze deep into the eyes of the fear monster? Wouldn’t world be a better place if we were casual or carefree?We all strive to be the Hercules of the world but even heroes have many botched up attempts which they dash through.Well that’s what make them a hero.

Agree or disagree,fear factor is the main reason for our disasters,yes?.Fear of not having the relish of delicacy called success.Fear of accepting that you have a fiasco.Fear of cleaning up after.

A very kindling anecdote about a present booming film director helps me get back up all the time.It was said that this buoyant film maker had failed in a math exam.Filled with despondence up to the brim, she cried a river.Having realized that those drops of salt water made no difference ,she decided to give all the throwbacks in her head a break.She got back up ,wiped those tears away and sat with her books open.Was it easy? Of course not.It never is!. She never gave up.The numbers in her books mocked her but it could never back her down. It was exam time again,she scribbled whatever she had learnt and when the results were out she had topped the exam!

I’m not saying it is easy to get back out there but the adoration you would experience when you have finally done it is a thousand fold . There is no telling.World is a cruel place.You might not have a stimulating group who pumps your spirits high,that’s when it’s you ,who should have your back.You fall.Dust your bruises.Get back up.Nobody cares for your  miseries or your austerities.Your upheld during your success and ignored during your hardships.Do not waste time on those make-believe frauds whose presence would just back you down.Have your back all the time.

It’s the “never give up” attitude which we juveniles should unfold so that we get to be the heroes we fancy.

Anger Management

                                                                                                                        As she stood there,out on the porch,Ophelia dolefully watched the sun slowly dip below the horizon.The happenings of the bygone days were running in her mind ,as the wind blissfully felt her skin.Her eyes filled with despondence,vexed mind,she was more befuddled than ever.But what went wrong?Was it her paranoia?All she knew was that she wanted to keep in solitude,curtain off and live inside a cocoon of misanthropy.It piqued her that she could not figure out what made her so cynical.

Ophelia ,a beautiful renegade of nineteen had her own opinions and her way of living her life .The only snag in her teen life was her irrational rage. Belonging to the elite class of society she was very ignorant about the worldly predicaments ,the chanced rendezvous of fraudsters and heart breaks.Her irksome nature made her friendless .She hated going out ,meeting people,making new friends.She would just go to college and skedaddle back home as soon as the clock struck four.”Phe” ,as she was popularly known , had an ally named Amy .Well now Amy was the only one who could convince Phe to do anything.The longest relationship which made it all the way till college.

Ophelia limited her contact with the outside world .No one ever knew why she would keep to herself .May be she was scared that she would lose people if they got close to her. Her daily thoughts led to the formation of little goblins in her head.”When she is mad even the demons would take for cover “said Amy giggling.Phe tried everything . Literally everything, to get out of her anger issues .Yoga, social media for distraction ,she even went to a shrink.But neither the hours of  muttering “Om” nor talking her feelings out lying on a couch and answering the classic question “so how are you feeling today?”, helped her.

It was second of October when Phe and Amy ,being students of journalism,had to visit a rehab to interview the inmates. There ,they happened to meet a seventeen year old girl.It was quite surprising to Ophelia to see such a young girl there.She walked up to her and said” Got a few minutes to spare?”.”What do you want?” ,whispered a low apathetic voice. As Amy convinced her , the girl began revealing the story of her life.

“My name is Eleanor…” she began. As Phe jotted down, she started to listen more intently. Eleanor explained how she took to dope just to cope up with the shrewish mind. The daily spats with her boyfriend, her disputes with her friends left her irritated by the end of the day .As days passed by Eleanor got wasted everyday until a day when she passed out behind the school library. Since then she was sent in to rehab .

Phe was in a transfix at the end of the story.As they walked out of the place ,she looked at Amy with a crestfallen face ,hugged her and said,”I don’t wanna end up like her”. Amy looked at her and smiled . Phe could feel the warmth of her smile. For once in her life she looked contended and she did not want anything more.

As the sky grew darker and the birds took to air chirping its way home,Phe was still contemplating over the past events.She knew for sure that if she does not learn to control her resentment ,things would definitely get out of hand .There are a few things which we cannot control ,a few things which cuts deeper than knife but time heals us all.As her mind pondered around these thoughts,she knew it in her heart that as long as she was around her loved ones she was more than okay.Because that’s all that mattered.

With a new zest for life ,she walked back into her room ,took her notepad and drafted her first story “How I found myself”.

Emotions in motion…

“It’s only logical”…. thank you Spock for those kind words…Isn’t that what we all want??…Being an imperturbable robot I mean….. how does it feel to not to feel anything…hahaha ….as ironical as it may sound we all bust a gut and miserably fail in our human endeavours. Well if you ask me stowing emotions is not always the ticket to nirvana.However, controlling them.. well… that could mean something ..who doesn’t want to be the king of the world?…but what’s wrong in letting it out? What’s wrong in crying a river??Or being convulsed with laughter… Revelations of sentiments do not make one any less human.. or does it?

We all would have had our fair share of emotional breakdowns.There would be at least one time where we all would’ve flipped out, renounced the “cruel” world and wished to migrate to the south pole. We all would say or do something stupid and later after prolonged cogitation we all decide to box are emotions with a golden bow on it. Why are we so afraid to express? hmm.. this is a difficult question probably because we come out looking bad?…well hey ..we don’t wanna look bad . I agree but not at the cost of losing yourself .We all love that movie “FROZEN” ,don’t we?.

“Don’t let them in,Don’t let them see,Be the good girl you always have to be.Conceal ,Don’t feel ,Don’t let them know”

How long can you do that? wouldn’t it feel better if you just told it all out. If we could just talk to someone even if it’s embarrassing ,then we wouldn’t have to use a sweat-a-lot to say “whoops…awkward”..Then the land of emoticons would be ineffectual…I don’t really know if it’s logical or illogical ….or how to maintain your composure when you’re teetering precariously at the edge of an emotional breakdown.. all I would say is “let it flow”.